Does it get any worse than that? I'm not really homeless because I'm moving in with my parents but I am more of a guest here now. Not the type of guest you lay clean towels out and make breakfast for but more the type of guest that you wish would leave. So I'm considering this my temporary address and staying as long as I have to. It is nice to know I have family to fall back on, though, because without them I really would be homeless. This job market is very scary. I'm spending hours applying to places that aren't hiring. And I'm just so incredibly jealous of everyone else who isn't me. Most people I'm graduating with have a second income so it's ok if they're unemployed for a bit. And after spending a day on the hunt, there's someone to cozy up with and take a break. But it's just me and this stack of resumes, and that guilty feeling that I'm not doing enough to find a job if I allow myself to stop. I need to take a pill to make my body shut down and just stop thinking. And in those 30 minutes from swallow to slumber I feel happy. "They" say it takes 3-6 months to find a job, which I don't understand. If I don't find a job in a week or so, I'm applying at McDonald's for God's sake. Well maybe not that exact establishment, but somewhere I'm way overqualified for just to make a few bucks. Do they really mean it takes 3-6 months to find a job that meets your qualifications and pays what you are asking? I wish they would be more clear, because if they mean it takes 3-6 months to find any place in the world that is willing to pay you minimum wage then that's depressing.
Anyway, more on my jealousy. A good friend of mine who I commiserate with about all the single stuff just got a boyfriend. Like literally overnight. They dated 6 years ago and drifted apart because she is super scared of intimacy, but the guy has kept in contact after all these years. And then they started hanging out after he broke up with his girlfriend and now they're together and talking about a wedding next year. WTF? And I don't know why this upsets me so much...I guess it just reminds me of how selfish mankind is and how hard it is to find people who truly, truly care (I define love as caring for someone more than yourself), and how really you can only depend on yourself: This friend was waiting till marriage to have sex. And they did it. Imagine that, 25 years and bam, it's gone, nothing special. And he knew she was waiting, she told him when they met and she told him time and time again when things started going too far. And she says she should have stopped him, but in her moment of weakness if he truly, truly cared about her more than he cared for himself then he wouldn't have taken that from her. I'm actually pro-premarital sex but it's just the principle. So I in no way approve of this guy but I have to meet him at her graduation and pretend to be nice. Except she just told me she is trying to get extra tickets so now I'm "maybe" invited. She gave my ticket to HIM. Lovely. Such is the life, coming second. So I don't know how much of this is actually disapproval or jealousy. She just got a job offer with the highest entry level pay around and has a guy who showers her with gifts and affection and a plan for the future. Everything I ever wanted...so how could I disapprove of that?
I've been trolling the dating sites again. Only this time in the L.A. area. It's amazing how much more douchey, ghetto, and loserish guys can get just by moving your search radius. To be fair, though, I've been looking on Okcupid because I can't afford Match. And even the decent Okcupid guys in San Diego were slim pickings. This time around, I'm going to make it less of a hunt and try to just have fun with it. When I did it in August I had multiple dates a week and couldn't keep track of all the men I was talking to. It was exhausting and I never looked forward to going out. I was just going out with them to prove to myself and all the people that say I'm too picky that I was giving guys a chance. But now I know I'd rather sit on my computer and bitch than hang out with people I'm not attracted to and constantly have to figure out how to get myself out of the little relationships I've gotten myself into. So this time if I feel something I'll try it out in person, while spending time on myself and with my friends, and maybe meeting people in "real" life too. Ok, meeting people in "real" life is actually kind of a joke, seeing as I've only met a small percentage of the guys I've dated that way.
Men Update
Turkey called me to say he finished my photos. I let it go to voicemail and then emailed him that he can post them online and send a CD to my new address. And that's the end of that.
Ladder 3 asked me to a few Angel games, but I couldn't go to any of them. Then he asked me to come over and I said I'm not just going to come over to his house and basically had the conversation that I've already had with him that I think he is only interested in me physically. To that he said, "I'm done talking to you." And that's the end of that.
