Every year around New Year's Day and my birthday I start thinking about all I wanted to have accomplished by this age, and how much I have actually accomplished. The two never end up matching and then I get depressed. This year I was thinking about how even at the latest I always wanted to be married by 26. And now that I am 26, I realize how young that really is, but it still makes me nervous that I haven't even met this future husband guy. I know I sound like all the other 20- and 30-something bloggers who worry about being single, but it's such a real concern. We are at that point in our lives which we face intimacy versus isolation, and the latter just sounds so unfun. We're inundated by engagement/wedding/baby announcements (especially now with facebook) as our precious eggs die lonely deaths each month. You don't necessarily have to get married and start a family to get through this crisis--each person has his or her own way of achieving intimacy. But what I truly want is to settle down with someone for life, a best friend to stick it through for better or for worse, and then look back and laugh with them when things go for worse. I have always wanted children, and no matter what options I consider, raising them with a husband and father is always the best. I guess at some point you accept that you might be single for good and learn to love it, but I'm nowhere near acceptance. No, closer to freaking out, which probably lowers my chances significantly.
So anyways, on to the good news. Turkey sent me an email saying he would be in town visiting friends and invited me to dinner and drinks with them! I hadn't heard from him in a bit and was getting a little down thinking about how long it would take to even let him know I'm interested. So I think him making sure to email me ahead of time and invite me is a good sign. Things should be a little more relaxed without my entire family around, too. Sooo even though I try not to get my hopes up and start creating a false fantasy in my head, I will be honest and admit that I'm really hoping for a kiss :) But I'd be happy with flirting. In reality, though, unless he lets me know he is definitely not interested, I'm going to come out of this weekend with even more questions. It kind of reminds me of The Fear You Won't Fall by Joshua Radin.
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