The End

Turkey and I had been having a discussion about this video about crazy cat ladies, and I told him I could actually relate to one of the ladies. I also explained what happened during a little freak out I had about going to a job fair. All of this was over chat/email so he couldn't actually see the emotion going on. GOOD THING, because I just got an email back that he didn't know what to say and he felt like he hadn't earned my trust for those disclosures. He still wants to be friends, "but easy on the disclosure." This really has me wondering if I'm a fucking crazy person?! I mean, this guy is a real nice person, a therapist, and the things going on in my heart and mind are too much for him? Through doing therapy and in training and by talking to close friends, I really don't think that my stuff is abnormal. Sure, it's stuff you don't share with everybody, but not crazy stuff that will scare people away. But it did. And deep down, I think that was the goal all along. I go into things knowing a guy will hurt me. And he hurt me when he said he didn't want to date me, but I decided to stick with it and just take what I could get from this guy. But I just had to prove that he couldn't even handle a friendship with me, so I pushed it. I showed him the crazy and pushed him to the brink. And now it's over. I responded by telling him I realized it was a pushing away move, but I also thought he was safe. I gave him my address to send my graduation pictures. And that's it. Peace and love, good riddance. Although honestly I'm not wishing those things upon him. I hope he feels horrible and stupid and full of regret. And I wish I could hold onto that anger because otherwise I start turning inward. Another message that I'm not OK as I am, and that nobody will ever truly accept me. Thanks a lot, Turkey. Or maybe it's only myself I have to thank for all this?